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26) Most?of?us?are?taught?to?pay?attention?to?what?is?said—thewords.?Words?do?provide?us?with?some?information,?butmeanings?are?derived?from?so?many?other?sources?that?itwould?hinder?our?effectiveness?as?a?partner?to?a?relationshipto?rely?too?heavily?on?words?alone.?Words?are?used?todescribe?only?a?small?part?of?the?many?ideas?we?associatewith?any?given?message.?Sometimes?we?can?gain?insight?intosome?of?those?associations?if?we?listen?for?more?than?words.We?don’t?always?say?what?we?mean?or?mean?what?we?say.?Sometimes?our?words?don’t?meananything?except?“?I’m?letting?off?some?steam.?I?don’t?really?want?you?to?pay?close?attention?towhat?I’m?saying.?Just?pay?attention?to?what?I’m?feeling.”?Mostly?we?mean?several?things?atonce.?A?person?wanting?to?purchase?a?house?says?to?the?current?owner, “This?step?has?to?befixed?before?I’ll?buy.”?The?owner?says, “?It’s?been?like?that?for?years.”?Actually,?the?step?hasn’tbeen?like?that?for?years,?but?the?unspoken?message?is: “?I?don’t?want?to?fix?it.?We?put?up?withit.?Why?can’t?you?”?The?search?for?a?more?expansive?view?of?meaning?can?be?developed?ofexamining?a?message?in?terms?of?who?said?it,?when?it?occurred,?the?related?conditions?orsituation,?and?how?it?was?said. When?a?message?occurs?can?also?reveal?associated?meaning.?Let?us?assume?two?couples?doexactly?the?same?amount?of?kissing?and?arguing.?But?one?couple?always?kisses?after?anargument?and?the?other?couple?always?argues?after?a?kiss.?The?ordering?of?the?behaviors?maymean?a?great?deal?more?than?the?frequency?of?the?behavior.?A?friend’s?unusually?docilebehavior?may?only?be?understood?by?noting?that?it?was?preceded?by?situations?that?required?anabnormal?amount?of?assertiveness.?Some?responses?may?be?directly?linked?to?a?developingpattern?of?responses?and?defy?logic.?For?example,?a?person?who?says?“No!”?to?a?serials?ofcharges?like?“You’re?dumb,” “You’re?lazy,”?and?“You’re?dishonest,”?may?also?say?“No!”?and?tryto?justify?his?or?her?response?if?the?next?statement?is?“And?you’re?goo