2013届高三英语书面表达专题指导、练讲及习作评析[第3部分考场习作评析].pptVIP

;第三部分 2013届高考英语 书面表达考场习作评析 （四）;试题来源：江苏省石庄高级中学2013届书面表达指导与练习 ;这是我们仿照北京市高考所出的题目。跟北京卷不同的是本书面表达要求词数达到150左右。同时考生可以按照半开放式作文的方法进行写作，也可以按照开放式作文的方法进行写作。我们这儿所选的考场习作为开放式的。;【考场习作】;【习作评析】;【习作的亮点】;2.高级词汇的使用较多 vivid 生动的 thought-provoking 发人深省的 Forbid 禁止 Exist 有，存在 Restrict 限制 Convince 使信服 build up 建立 Harmonious 和谐的; 3.句子结构颇为复杂，如果你不仔细揣摩，就有可能认为是错句。 如：(4)He wondered why what the factory does doesn’t agree with what it says? 本句含有三个从句： 一是He wondered why...宾语从句； 二是what the factory does主语从句； 三是what it says宾语从句。 doesn’t agree with是why...宾语从句中谓语。 本句意思是：他很纳闷，这家工厂为什么言行不 一呢。; 4.运用对比的手法，增加了文章感染力和说服力。 如：(5)It’s funny that the factory is producing thick smoke while smoking is forbidden there. 本句用一个“while”表示了强烈的对比。 本句的意思是：这家工厂一边排放着浓烟，而一边又要禁止人们抽烟，真是滑稽可笑。 紧接着又用对比的手法： (6)Compared to the amount of smoke given off by the factory, the cigarette smoke is nothing at all.来进一步增强文章的感染力。;5.谚语的使用彰显了主题。 As an old saying goes “sweep before your own door”.“正如谚语所说的那样：正人先正己”不但引起了下文而且突出了本文的主题。 6.最后一句使用了倒装句给全文也增色不少。 Only in this way can we build up a harmonious society. 只有这样我们才能建立一个和谐的社会。;【习作的缺点】; 2.本习作运用的复杂句过多，不仅给人以故弄玄虚之嫌，而且使文章过于呆板，显得不是那么错落有致。 根据以上两点我们将习作修改如下：; This is a vivid picture, which conveys thought-provoking messages. In the picture, several chimneys in the factory are giving off clouds of thick black smoke. A young passing by the factory with a cigarette in his mouth, feels confused when he notices the non-smoking sign on the wall. He is wondering why what the factory does doesn’t agree with what it says? It’s funny that the factory is producing thick smoke while smoking is forbidden there. Compared to the amount of smoke given off by the factory, smoking is nothing at all. However, actually there exist quite a few people who only know how to restrict others instead of themselves, which is hard to convince others. As an old saying goes “sweep before your own door”. Therefore we must be strict with ourselves before we are s