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I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was the man goes on top and the woman underneath. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.Joan Rivers When women go wrong, men go right after them.Mae West She was good at being inarticulately abstracted for the same reason that midgets are good at being short. Clive James talking about Marilyn Monroe Keyboard not found. Press F1 to RESUME. Source unknown (appears in many common BIOSes as a real error message) Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.Adlai Stevenson. Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty. George Bernard Shaw Traditionally most of Australias imports come from overseas.Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery. Submitted by Cheyenne Topete If things dont go right.....go left All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. Thats his.Oscar Wilde What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.Mark Twain There is only one difference between a madman and me. The madman thinks he is sane. I know I am mad.Salvador Dali Most of the time I dont have any fun. The rest of the time I dont have any fun at all.Woody Allen She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitchfork.Oliver Goldsmith Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies. Adrienne Gusoff. He who hesitates is a damned fool.Mae West Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.Jay Leno Communism is like prohibition, its a good idea but it wont work.Will Rogers Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. Mark Twain Corruption is natures way of restoring our faith in democracy. Peter Ustinov. Build a man a fire, and hell be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and hell be warm for the r