高中英语习作分析.ppt

* * Wang Qiang, a student of a high school with a bad disease – leukemia. In order to treat him, his family has been used all money they had out now, but now, he becomes weaker and weaker, and he needs “bone marrow transplant” very hard. So, I hope the society could donate for him, he needs approximately two hundred thousands in total. Here are the phone numbers for us. Day: 5221600 Night: 5221610 Thanks. ① ⑦ ⑥ ⑤ ④ ③ ② ① 文章没有要求的“Dear friends, …”的书信开头格式，显得很突兀。 ② 此处只是一个短语，并非一个句子，语法不完整。建议改写为：Wang Qiang, a high-school student, is suffering from a serious disease, leukemia. ④ 此处并非转折关系，应改为：and he is becoming weaker and weaker, ⑤ 对hard含义掌握不准确，应改为：he needs… badly. ⑥ 请注意搭配：donate sth. to sb. ⑦ 表示具体数量的时候，hundred, thousand后面是不能有复数形式，另外后面还缺少货币单位yuan。 ③ his family has been used all money they had out now 此句反映该生对“用完、用光”这一词组的用法没有充分掌握，这也是本文的考查知识点之一。 “用完、用光”有两种常用表达方式： use up，为及物动词词组，通常是：sb. use up sth. / sth. be used up run out，为不及物动词词组，通常是：sth. run out run out of，为及物动词词组，通常是：sb. run out of sth. / sth. be run out of 所以根据以上知识点，该句可改写为： his family has used up all their money his family’s money has run out his family has run out of all their money 只完成了困难介绍和希望得到帮助部分，缺少对病人的简单介绍，没有完全达到题目的表达要求； 没有以书信形式表现出来，格式不符合要求； 总词数为71，没达到题目要求120左右（即词数浮动范围为100词—140词）； 语法错误较多，且文章基本以单句形式出现，没有高级句式和高级词汇的运用； 书写较为潦草，涂改不符规范。 根据题目要求，该文需要做较大修改和较多补充，也根据以上几点，该文放到第四档次评分，因为完成了较多部分的叙述，给第四档次的最高分10分。 注： 第一档：21分—25分 第二档：16分—20分 第三档：11分—15分 第四档：6分—10分 第五档：0分—5分 Dear friends I’m very sad to tell you that my closed friend – Wangqiang got the crazy disease – leukemia. Now he has spent all the money. we must raise more money to save him. In my view, Wangqiang is opsitive and brilliant in the studying. Though his family is paintakingful, he still make great effort in daily schoollife. Furthermore, when his friends felt sad or unhappy, he will help them until his friends got out of the storm of life. What a outstanding student! But the disease blown him away, now he must bone marrow tr