(湘潭市督导课)双语报第7期作文讲评.ppt

第7期双语报 高三（1401 )班 Teacher: 王素云(Joyce) 1 21 6 41 10 61 2 22 4 42 62 3 23 43 63 4 24 44 64 5 25 4 45 9 65 2 6 26 10 46 66 7 27 11 47 8 67 8 28 48 68 5 9 29 49 69 10 30 50 70 16 11 31 32 51 改 错 1-5分 12 32 52 17 0 13 33 14 53 6-10分 14 34 15 54 15 35 12 55 书 面 表 达 21-25分 16 36 56 17 9 17 37 57 16-20分 18 38 58 12 51 19 39 59 11-15分 20 40 60 25 1 第12次 周考试卷答题情况明细表 表扬：左喆23，张紫慧22，唐炼炜22，李雅玫21，刘稳21，陈蕊珠21，陈家骏21，楚哲婷21，彭文龙21 (9人) 情况反馈(feedback) 作文题 假如你是李华，你的好友李明想找一个英国笔友，托你写信向你的英国朋友Tom求助，请根据以下要点给Tom 写邮件。 1. 说明写邮件的原因； 2. 简要介绍李明； 3.指出李明对笔友的要求。 书面表达 1. 体 裁： 2. 时 态： 3. 人 称： 4. 要 点： 5. 谋 篇： 认真审题 求助信 一般现在时 第一人称和第三人称 三个要点 Part1. 说明写邮件的原因(写信目的和背景) Part2. Part3. 再次求助+表示感谢 写作指导： 三段式 简要介绍李明 指出李明对笔友的要求 5.谋 篇： Part2. 写作指导 主体段落 认真审题—分清主次很重要 Which is more important? a.简要介绍李明(introduction) b.指出李明对笔友的要求(requirement) √ 1. He is of medium height with black straight hair and a handsome face . He is not only outstanding but also always thinks of others. In my heart, he is an ideal person. 2. Li Ming is a real-life Samaritan and a real master in England Middle age and literature. He is willing to cope with troubles of his friends and is always there for us . As for capabilities, he could read Shakespeare and Jane Austen in English without a dictionary. He is fond of legacies(遗产) (legend传说) and classics in his spare time. 简要介绍李明 仙女，下凡吧！接地气啊！ 亲，你要去相亲吗？ 问题1：审题不准 写作时要有读者意识 简要介绍李明 He want a pen-friend, who is outgoing and has good presonality. Maybe someone wan to know Chinese culture is premier. In his opinion, his penfriend will be better if he has patience. What can’t be ignored is some information about Li Ming. I could make sure that no one could be more suitable than him to make friends with. Because he is such a kind , selfless and wise person. 点评：你看得出谁是李明吗？ 人称指代不明，句子结构混乱，逻辑不清；个别句子主谓不一致，个别单词拼写错误；书写一般，卷面也算工整，但是得分低。 问题2：逻辑不清 My friend Li Ming is outgoing and is gifted for communicating. An