2010山东高考作文讲评.pptVIP

作文讲评 2012.9.4. 假设你是新华中学的学生李华，你和在上海上学的英国朋友Tom约好下周末去北京旅游，但你因故不能赴约。请根据以下要点用英语给他写一封电子邮件：  1. 表示歉意； 2. 解释原因； 3. 另约时间。  注意：1. 词数120~150 2. 可适当增加细节。 写作中存在的问题 1. 审题错误，要点把握不到位 这篇作文一共有三个要点，道歉、原因、另约时间， 而有不少同学没有抓住要点，主要表现有以下几种： A. 写成了建议书。给Tom 写了一连串的旅游前的准备工作和注意事项。 B. 写成了介绍信。给Tom 写了许多北京的旅游景点，介绍北京好吃的好玩的。 C. 写成了咨询信。看到Tom 在上海上学，咨询他在上海生活得怎么样，家人情况怎样。 D. 避重就轻型。或多或少地提及到了每个要点，但涉及的内容都很少，多数是一句带过，描述过于具体，有一定程度的跑题。 2．逻辑混乱，层次不清 可以先道歉再写原因再另约时间， 也可以先说明原因再道歉再另约时间， 甚至可以先另约时间说明原因最后再道歉。 总之要把这三个要点有层次地组织成一个整体才行。而有的同学把这三个要点混杂在一起， 开篇道歉没说明原因就另约时间， 时间还没谈好又回到了解释原因上去了， 东一句西一句， 不分段不分层，句子与句子之间缺乏必要的连贯性。 3. 语言错误 小错：单词拼写、冠词、大小写、标点符号错误。 大错：搭配错误， 介词、名词、动词、形容词和副词的使用错误，时态、语态、主谓一致、非谓语动词和句式错误。 Dear Tom, I regret to tell you that I can’t travel to Beijing together with you at the appointed time. I’ve caught a terrible cold after I swam in the East Lake yesterday. This morning I had a headache. After taking my temperature, my mother found that I had a high fever. I was taken to see a doctor, who advised me to stay in bed for three days. He also suggested that we put off the travelling to Beijing when I told him our plan . If only I hadn’t swam in the lake! If only I weren’t ill！So I will be enjoying the trip in the company of you, my best friend and introduce Chinese culture to you. Maybe we can make it sometime next month. Is that OK? Best wishes to you! Dear Tom, Its a long time since we met last time. I miss you very much. How’s everything going? I’m writing to say sorry to you because I cant obey our promise. Don’t be angry. Please give me one minute to explain it. In fact, my mother asked me to visit my grandma that day. You know grandma is to me what water is to fish. I had a good memory with her. And we should spare no effort to take care of the old, shouldnt we? Friend, youre still young but my grandma is old! Taking these factors into consideration, I decided to write the letter finally. Lets mak