《李安SAT：一个作文点评》.docVIP

大家好，我是李安。这是一个作文评点范例，是一个学生要求我评点的，但她同时很可爱地说明了这不是她写的；她只是想知道这作文为什么满分，能学什么。 她的提问很好，因为有的作文是满分，水平太高，我们大家都只能看，无法从操作意义上学。有的作文也是满分，但你能学到一些东西：满分作文也有高低之别。 这篇作文属于后一类，即很好，也能学。但是，你首先得知道它好在哪里，哪里又是很难学到的。 我做的点评请大家认真看，好好体会。我知道每个同学要考试的都有自己的例子；那好，请看了我的点评后再看看，你该如何把例子和评论写得更好。 尤其关键的一点：美国人不重抽象评论，你一定得把事情说实在了。 “There’s no success like failure.” What is your view on the idea that success can begin with failure? In an essay, support your position using an example (or examples) from literature, the arts, history, current events, politics, science and technology, or from your personal experience or observation. ? 6分范文： Learning the lessons taught by failure is a sure route to success. （明确给出论点）The United States of American can be seen as a success that emerged from failure: By learning from the weaknesses of the Articles of Confederation, the founding fathers were able to create the Constitution, the document on which America is built. （概述例子一：准确运用过去式和专有名词，给人的阅读印象是真实，有一定的叙事宽度）Google Inc., the popular Internet search engine, is another example of a success that arose from learning from failure, though in this case Google learned from the failures of its competitors. （概述例子二） Another example that shows how success can arise from failure is the story of Rod Johnson, who started a recruiting firm that arose from Johnson’s personal experience of being laid off.（概述例子三） 整体评述：一般学生是把论点给在第一段，后面段落给论据。这个学生的新颖之处在于她把论据压缩了一次放在前面。这要求有强大的叙事能力。 ? The United States, the first great democracy of the modern world, is also one of the best examples of a success achieved by studying and learning from earlier failures. After just five years of living under the Articles of Confederation, which established the United States of America as a single country for the first time, the states realized that they needed a new document and a new more powerful government. In 1786, the Annapolis convention was convened. The result, three years later, was the Constitution, which created a more powerful central government while also maintai